12 easy steps to whatever

1. Browse Pinterest while feeding the baby. Say "hmmm" a lot.  Wonder if you should have a board titled, "STOP.  JUST STOP." for some of the crazy, crazy stuff on there.  Find some promising ideas for spice storage.

Source: theartofdoingstuff.com via Jennifer on Pinterest

Source: 1userverrack.net via Mackenzie on Pinterest

Source: etsy.com via Jessica on Pinterest

Source: frugaldecormom.blogspot.com via Hipsu on Pinterest

2. Get all excited when you see this all over Pinterest:

Source: manditremayne.blogspot.com via Cami on Pinterest

. . . because HOLY COW one of your very favorite people did that!  Sweet!

3. Become mildly unhappy with your current spice situation.

4. Collect various empty jars. And a baby spoon.  And an avocado, apparently.

5. Print names of spices to punch out.  Break your circle punch.  Remind yourself that trying to punch three layers of cardstock was a bad idea.  Realize that your sisters are going to mock you for having a circle punch, even the sister that secretly owns about 45 more punches than you do.

6. Try to cut circles with scissors. FAIL. Go with squares.

7. Ask yourself WHO CARES what your spices look like.  YOU no longer care.

8. Oops - forgot poppy seeds.  Write it yourself.  In dull pencil.  Because heck if  you're going to walk into the next room to find a pen.

9. Pause production to take care of your cute baby.

10. Give the stink-eye to the teenager who waited until Sunday night to do her homework.

11. Run out of glass jars.  Ask yourself if you care.  (You don't.)

12.  Meh, good enough.  Pin THAT, I say.

Title Schmitle

Can I not act my age for just a minute?  Maybe more like 13?

Because this is like, totally the WORST WEEK EVER.

Not just because my teenagers are at Girls' Camp WITHOUT ME.  Rude.

Not just because I snuck up to Girls' Camp with a baby yesterday evening to deliver a late camper and some forgotten supplies and, like, got totally caught sneaking around the back of the silent, silent fireside to hug my teenager.  And they were all like, "What are you doing?  The Stake is watching!"  And I was all whispering, "Dude, I know, I'm gonna go."  And then the baby was all, "BURP."

Not just because (and this is for the two people I haven't whined to about this yet) my baby is extremely sensitive to dairy AND eggs AND wheat, AND I'm on an antibiotic that must be taken FOUR times a day on an empty stomach and I'M HUNGRY.  Like, whatever!  (As my sister tells me, it would appear that karma is calling me FAT.)

Not even just because I'm finally writing a hasty post for the first time in months and why the heck is blogger making me chase my cursor thingy all over the page?

It's mostly just because J-dub is moving away forever this weekend and I'm soooooo sad.

SO NOT FAIR.  (I just stomped my foot.)

Dear Arizona:  You totally stink.  Thanks for stealing one of my favorite people.

(My lower lip is now quivering, and I'm about to flounce into my room and throw myself face down on my bed.)

Except now the baby is waking up and I have to be a grownup again.

(Seriously, WHERE did the cursor go??)

A post that will make you feel better about yourself, one way or another.

Right after the New Year, I noticed there was a flurry of posts on various blogs about home organization.  It was a veritable multitude of clever, crafty and attractive ideas that I would ideally love to try someday.

But let's be honest.  I'm not getting around to them anytime soon.

And then, upon further reflection, it occurred to me that I have my own current style of home organization.  I think I shall call it Redneck Shabby Geek.  Or something like that.

You're intrigued, aren't you? 

For example, I wondered why automotive cup holders can't come standard with carpeted rooms, and then had a flash of inspiration involving an empty can, some plastic wrap, and the small filing cart next to the recliner.

Behold!  A redneck cupholder!  (My carpet thanks me.)

Stuffed animals taking over the kids' room?  Sew little loops onto each of them (do NOT bother with coordinating thread . . . everyone gets purple) . . . .

And then hang them from cup hooks screwed into an unfinished plank screwed to the wall.  Pretend not to notice when lots of things besides stuffed animals also get hung from the hooks.

A big shelf plus dollar store tubs equals two dressers and a bookshelf condensed into a footprint of two square feet.  Yes, the tubs are always messy.  That's the redneck way.

More unfinished wood.  This time, adorned with large thumbtacks.  Hung above the remnants of a broken towel rack that needs better wall anchors.  I'll get around to it.  Maybe when I get around to painting the dusty pink walls.  Don't hold your breath.

Here's a conversation we get to enjoy almost every morning:
Child 1: I need a hairbrush!
Me:  Ask Child 2.
Child 2:  She can't use mine.  She'll lose it!
Child 1:  I can't find mine!
Me:  I've bought at least 25 hairbrushes in the last 10 years.  WHERE ARE THEY?
Child 1: Puh-leeez can I use yours?
Child 2:  NO
Me:  LET HER USE YOUR BRUSH FOR 30 FREAKING SECONDS.
2 minutes later . . . .
Child 2:  Where's my hairbrush?
Child 1:  Pfft, I dunno.

SO, I went to the dollar store (again) and bought three brushes.  Want to see where they are now?

That's right.  Two of them are tethered to bathroom fixtures.  The third is tied to my desk, just to be sure.  Lose THAT, punks.

While Child 1 and Child 2 are arguing over the brushes, Child 3 is usually trying to get out the door without having met a brush at all, and has gotten away with it on a few occasions.  This is why I keep a comb in the church bag, and why I've had to use it while singing the opening hymn on more than one occasion.

No fabric-lined baskets or coordinating rubbermaid containers here.  The toys get stashed in ice cream and laundry soap buckets and tossed onto a chipboard shelf.  *whispering* They're not even labeled.

Some of our laundry procedures (Mom, look away for a few minutes):  If you put it in the laundry inside-out, it will be washed, dried, folded, and returned to you inside-out.  (If only half of the item is inside out - say, one sleeve or leg - I will cave and turn it all the right way so it will fold properly.  I suspect the 8yo is on to this.)  I'm also toying with the idea of not matching socks anymore.  Each person would just get a pile of their own, unfolded socks.  Admit it: you're mulling that one over now too, aren't you?

Redneck Spring Break Resort, Day One

Redneck Spring Break Resort, Day Two

Redneck Spring Break Resort, Day Three.  (Also known as the day even this mother couldn't take it anymore, and made the poor children put it all away.)

You may think you're looking at a deceptively deep puddle that fools each and every kid that hops out of a car in my driveway and results in many a soggy shoe in my entryway, but I prefer to think of it as my moat.  It's more fun that way.

Speaking of excitement, is there anything better than a pack of kids running like a herd of elephants through the back door because they can't wait to show you that they've harvested the first spring flower just for you?

Also regarding excitement, this is such a dopey picture (oh my, I can't believe I'm posting it), but it pretty much sums up the mood around here.

Tick Tock

A few months ago, the kids started asking me several times daily to tell them how many days were left until the baby comes. I'm a math geek and all, but all the addition was getting to me, so of course I made a looooong paper chain:

. . . like that.

And now it looks like this:

(I think it was sat upon sometime recently.)

We are almost to single digits, and I still can't wrap my head around it. Every time I wake up, I have to remind myself that it's for real!

It's a nice way to wake up.

Presidents' Day

I got the kids up at 7:00 this morning on a holiday to do chores. Secretly, they were really grateful, I'm sure.

Conversations that ensued:

5yo: It's seven hundred. Should I wake up the girls?
Me: Yes, please.
5yo: They usually get up when I yell "BOO!"
5yo: *Goes and yells "BOO!" at the 12yo and 15yo*
5yo: Um, they jus' ugnored me.

7yo: My eyes hurt really bad.
Me: If you have pinkeye, I'm quitting my job.
12yo: What job?
Me: MOTHERHOOD.
7yo: *throws up*
12yo: Please don't quit, Mom!

15yo, playing out of the Children's Songbook: The Prophet said to plant a garden?
Me: Well, yes.
15yo: When?

This picture just makes me laugh. The kids were watching the baby stretch and kick, and more than one of them thought it was creepy.

Making Mr. Rogers Proud

When we moved into our current home five years ago, one of our new neighbors warned us gently about the guy across the street: He didn't care for cats (not a problem) or kids (maybe a problem). We noticed right quick that he didn't care much for a friendly "hello" either. But we've acquired no cats, kept the kids out of his yard and avoided subjecting him to neighborly chit-chat, and in return, we've had no complaints from him. Good enough!

He can't be that bad, because he did take the time to come over shortly after we moved in, and let us know that our perpetually flooded driveway did indeed have a drain, and he pointed out where he thought it was. I thanked him happily, and I intended to thank him again with a plate of goodies, but never got around to it, of course. Until Monday morning, it was the only time I had conversed with him in five years.

He DID report us to the police once, but so did pa-lenty of other households within a one-mile radius. (No exaggeration. Turns out illegal fireworks can be mistaken for gunfire or worse. Who knew?) Anyway, we suspect he was one of the ones who called, because he was watching from across the street as the police came to the door, which was thrown open by six ecstatic children (and one mother with a camera) expecting to see Santa Claus.

(Bless Santa's heart, he had arrived at the same time as the police, and was waiting around the corner for the dust to settle. Except when he did finally come to the door, the children refused to answer it. Go figure.)

SO just Monday morning, I happened to be taking kids to school right when he and his dog were outside, and the dog came barreling across the street towards us, barking and growling. The poor man had no choice but to come collect his dog. I figured I'd better say something, which ended up being:

"So, is this a new dog?" (Because I really couldn't remember ever seeing it before.)

And he replied, "No, I've had him for six years."

I think that's a conversation that'll hold us for another five years, don't you?

For Mandi

(Because I would do anything for Mandi.)



That is a mad bull, right? With really skinny legs? Or am I totally missing it? (I'm probably totally missing it.) Wait, is it a mad bull being held up in the air by a Polar Bear? A two-headed llama? An Ecuadorian pictograph for Olé, we finally unloaded the reject fabric on that guapo, guapo gringo?



I'll get back to you on the egg whites - gotta go pick kids up.

2010

I swiped this from my awesome sister.

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1. What did you do in 2010 that you’d never done before?
I ran for 2 miles. Without stopping. Now you can stop laughing.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Didn't make any, so yes? No? And so far, there are no new ones, but we'll see. (Maybe I should resolve to be more decisive.)

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Two of my brothers' wives did (note the punctuation: that's two married brothers, not one brother with two wives), and I got to spend time in both of their homes within the first weeks/months afterwards. How do they make it look so easy? I do NOT remember it being that easy. Other people gave birth too, but I didn't invite myself to their houses.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not close to me personally, but some dear friends lost their 25yo son very suddenly, and I don't know how to express how heart-wrenching it has been. I would do anything to make it easier for them, but there's no magic for something like this. I just keep thinking of one of my favorite quotes: "Hands often speak as voices can't. A warm embrace conveys volumes. A laugh together unites us. A moment of sharing refreshes our souls. We cannot always lift the burden of one who is troubled, but we can lift her so she can bear it well." (Elaine L. Jack) Even then, I'm not sure how much is too little, and how much is too much.

5. What countries did you visit?
Who put this question in here?

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
The usual - more organization, less clutter, more motivation, less waistline, more generous budget . . . but none of those are life-threatening (yet), so I can live with it. Or work on it. Either way. (See #2.)

7. What dates from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Days I got really good news, days I got really bad news, and the Great Kidney Transplant of 2010, because it went so well and because my sister and I laughed ourselves sick whilst documenting it all.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Well, staying pregnant is definitely up there. Also, I drove all the way to Utah all by myself. And ran a little (locally. Not on the way to Utah). Also, I managed to get to a place, financially, where I no longer have to take time away from my family to supplement the income (as long as I'm very careful). (Plug here for YNAB, of course. Oh how I love it.)

WAIT WAIT!! I also voluntarily and correctly whipped egg whites several times!

9. What was your biggest failure?
Announcing to the entire church choir that I had recognized one of the songs from our Christmas Cantata in a Disney movie, and wasn't that fascinating? And then being informed that the mysterious song was "Ave Maria." (In my weak, weak, defense, the Cantata had different lyrics and no credit for the original.) (If you're thinking I missed a way more obvious failure, just keep it to yourself, ok?)

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
I thought I had broken my foot at one point, but luckily I was wrong. I wasn't looking forward to explaining that I broke my foot by falling over while walking out the door. I was going to tell people I did it while demonstrating a back handspring for the kids. You would have bought that, right?

11. What was the best thing you bought?
A bigger family car, with SEAT WARMERS, I tell you! (A well-timed purchase brought about by the unexpected demise of my poor van.) So what if I'm generally hunkered down at home because of 13mpg. When I do go out, my seat is TOASTY!

12. Where did most of your money go?
Not into my pocket, that's for sure. Actually, I could fire up ye olde YNAB (I don't even get a kickback. I just love it.) and tell you exactly where it all went, but that's not any of your business. I guess there's some spare change I can't account for . . . no, wait: it's under the couch cushions with the legos, hair clips, and loose thumbtacks.

13. What did you get really excited about?
Besides seat warmers? And Star Sushi's crunchy crab roll? At one point, I told myself to get really excited that my potty-training/smelly-diapering/nursing-bras/eternal-nights were things of the past. It was working, too. But then I was really excited to find out I was wrong.

14. What song will always remind you of 2010?
I'm thinking it's "Ave Maria."

15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? Happier, in the sense that life keeps getting better.
– thinner or fatter? AHEM
– richer or poorer? What is this, the nosiest quiz ever?

16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
More and more and more playing with my kids. I was better at that in 2010 than in 2009 or 2008, but tick tock . . . they'll start leaving in a few years and I already miss them.

17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Wasting time.

18. How did you spend Christmas?
Morning at home, afternoon/evening with extended family.

20. What were your favorite books of the year?
"Joan of Arc" (Twain) . . . and . . . uh . . .. good golly, is that the only book I finished? How embarrassing. Add reading to #16. And I think I found a resolution for 2011: Not getting kicked out of Book Club.

21. What was your favorite music from this year?
I know I should come up with something current, but would it surprise you to hear I have no idea what's current? So instead, I'm going with the violin/piano/cello trio that I got to play with my 14yo and 12yo at Christmas. I may have even teared up a little every doggone time we played it together. I love those girls.

22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I don't go to a lot of movies, but wasn't this a good year for animation? "Despicable Me" and "Tangled" were so good! That's right! I'm six years old!

23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 35, went to Mongolian BBQ with good friends . . . and now I'm panicking because I can't remember what I did that night, and I hope it wasn't something meaningful involving anyone who's going to read this. If I was J-Dub, I'd look back at my faithfully kept journal for reference. Curses.

24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
More sleep. Fewer school mornings. More family vacations. Oh wait, that was three things.

25. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
What's a personal fashion concept?

26. What kept you sane?
I'm wondering the same thing.