Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Confession Wednesday: We need to talk.

Post-posting note: This post was directed at the abstract concept of the Year of No Fear. Not to Yonf herself, who I love dearly. That was genius on my part, giving them both the same name. For the record, Yonf The Person has never threatened my keister. However, YONF the concept? Just got me again.

Dear Year of No Fear,

You know, this has been fun. Heaven knows I've been braver, more adventurous, less reticent. But it seems like every time I start to blindly trust your wisdom, you BITE ME IN THE KEISTER.

For instance, there was the pie-eating contest. Thanks a lot.

And the DQ Sundae. Boy, wasn't that fun?

Don't forget the happy clerk. I made her day, I'M SURE.

I'll bet you thought it was hysterical when I forced myself onto an airplane last week, and found myself sitting next to a man named ABDUL. That did wonders for my nerves.

It was your fault that I tested my Wii Fitness Age last week in the presence of several teenage boys. Guess how old the Wii thinks I am? That's right . . . SIXTY-ONE. Wasn't that fun when the boys' mother who tested after me (yes, the woman has GRANDCHILDREN) was only 45 Wii years old?

You were watching, weren't you, the other night, when I got that email from Mrs. K? The sign-the-petition-and-forward-this-to-everyone-you-know email that was sent to several recipients? The kind of email you don't mind receiving occasionally because you know the sender had good intentions? I know you were watching, because when one of those several recipients replied-to-all with a seemingly unkind rebuttal, you whispered in my ear that I should be indignant at such rudeness. Who did Mr. Reply-to-all think he was? "Tell him!" you said, "Tell him he can't treat Mrs. K that way!"

And I did. I replied to his email, and told him I thought it was unkind, and embarrassing to Mrs. K, and that she meant well. BECAUSE YOU TOLD ME TO.

Listen, Year of No Fear, you might have clued me in that I was chastising Mrs. K's VERY OWN FATHER. And I know you were giggling at me the whole time, because I think you knew that Mrs. K was going to call me the very next day and schedule a photo shoot of her family, which includes her father. You know, the one I got all high and mighty with. That I now have to meet face to face.


And my last hope, that he would somehow not connect Mrs. B the indignant emailer to Mrs. B the photographer, was dashed when he replied to my email, and post-scripted it with his anticipation of the upcoming photo shoot. Did you have anything to do with that?

You and I need to reach an understanding here. I'll keep being all fearless and venturing outside my comfort zone, if you'll stop HUMILIATING me on a regular basis. (Maybe I'll use fewer all-caps words, too.) Is that too much to ask?

One more thing: Nice try, with the attempt to get me to snow camp. I know you'd have had me on a sled, or tube, or some related instrument of death before I could have blinked. Thank goodness the scouts are camping the same weekend and somebody has to stay in the warm, dry house with the children.

I'll be wearing these:

. . . which were dropped anonymously on my doorstep a few weeks ago, after I posted about my frozen toes, with a note that said, "What is a friend for if not to warm each other's "soles." (So delightful! I love them!) Good intentions, lovely outcome. See how it works?

Mrs. B

Anybody else have a good story about kind intentions gone wrong?


bestgrandkidsever said...

en it. But I thought your post was hilarious! (And you have lots of good intentions that go right. I hear about them all the time.)

adventures in mommyland said...

Sometimes good intentions are received the wrong way... but I know that your excellent feats of bravery have propelled you into a new Mrs. B! I love you fearless or fearful... and I'm wearing the same socks right now!! :)

Jill said...

LOL! You crack me up...again.

Tana said...

I was a DD's auditions for a play and there was this girl...She was way over dancing, acting, completely looking like a crazy chick. So I point this out and laugh. The mom is right behind me. BTW...I know these people. And they know where I live. UGGGG.

Year of no Fear said...

Thank goodness you clarified this was not directed at me! I was trying all day to come up with something witty, I failed. I think my brain is starting to fry, I need a vacation!

Good intentions gone wrong? I once said to a woman who offered to watch my kids, I wish I could in turn watch yours, she said to me, "Well, you could but you don't have the goods to feed the baby." (I didn't at the time). She said that and it made me feel completely stupid. I was implying that I wish I could somehow return the favor. Come to find out she wasn't breastfeeding at the time, what? I became very confused.