Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Confession Wednesday: 10 minutes until Thursday!

I quit my job. That’s my most recent leap of courage.

I don’t know if it’s exactly a real job; photography has been my hobby since I was 16, and friends have been kind enough with their referrals that it had become supplementary income for our family. I couldn’t actually have supported a household of any size on my income alone, but when cars broke down, or when we paid visits to the emergency room, it was almighty helpful income.

But I’m a miserable multi-tasker. I’m all too easily overwhelmed, and I was spending a LOT of time overwhelmed. I won’t go into details (I already tried and deleted three times), but my children were pretty much raising themselves. As a mother, I was feeling like a total, utter failure.

So I’ve cut my business back to just standing trades only (so don’t worry if I owe you pictures!). Turning business away is the hardest part . . . I’m horrible at saying no . . . and it’s usually people I know and love that are asking.

Also, quite frankly, aside from the income that will clearly be missed, I’m going to miss seeing my work on other people’s walls, blogs, and facebook profiles. Call me an egomaniac if you will, but it gives me a little thrill every time.

However, since things have lightened up, it’s just as I suspected: My kitchen is cleaner, I’m sleeping more, and I’m remembering to pick up my kindergartener on time (on the days I can find my keys . . . thanks again for bailing me out Jill!). I can even do math in my head again, which means that I can figure out (and also that I care) whether it’s cheaper to brush the bread dough with egg whites or with butter (here’s my Wednesday Confession: It’s really margarine, and it’s cheaper than the egg.) before I bake it. Did I mention I’m baking bread? Right now?

But you know what else? My little kids are cuter than usual. And the big ones are funnier lately. And my husband is handsome-er, too. I can’t stop watching their faces, and laughing at the sweet things they do. I find myself thinking: What if I had missed this?

And then wincing as I wonder: How much have I already missed?

And then being grateful that we're on a make-your-own-bread-with-margarine-and-nobody-break-any-bones-this-month kind of budget, because not making extra money is paying big dividends.

Seeing my work on someone else’s wall is a little thrill, but being a wife and mother is pure joy.

What's bringing you joy this week?


Mandi said...

Good for you! It's so hard to leave it, but so good for you all at the same time. But you'll be able to pick it up again later, right? I have a friend who recently quit her amazing photography biz too 'cause she just felt like she couldn't be a mom and a photog at the same time. I don't know how anybody does it. I did ONE wedding and thought "NO WAY MAN."

Tana said...

I am so glad that you have figured out what is going to make your life better. I wish you give away your talent too, that way I could have it.

Bean said...

Being a Mom is a very important and rewarding job!! I'm very blessed to be a stay at home mom. I know that there are some people in the business world who might look down on me because of that, but I wouldn't want to be anything else!

Savannah said...

Good for you Mrs.B! Although it's going to be hard monetarily for a while (and hard on other people to not get pictures from you) it will be a blessing for you and your family I'm sure!
What's bringing me joy this week is feeling my little girl move, feeling like I look more pregnant, and knowing that there's a giant "Sample Sale" at work this weekend! Yay!

Jill said...

That was beautifully written...I will remember it when I have to find someone else to do my pictures next year ☺. You are amazing in more ways that I can list here. I wish you a happy photography-free ever after.

Laura said...

It's bringing me joy that you simplified your life and it's making you so happy! That's such a huge step to take, and I'm so proud of you for taking it.

Also, I'm finding joy in having a job, because I'm the breadwinner in this family.

adventures in mommyland said...

You go Girl!! I know that's a hard choice but I'm proud of you for making it and being a better mom for it! You're a rockstar!!

My moment this week is Chloe's baptism... I still can't believe that it's happening tomorrow. She's grown up so much just in the last year and her spiritual awareness is just beautiful. I love it!

Jill said...

Loved this post but am so sad that you won't be doing your pics. We were planning on a fall pic from you. I remember when I finally came to the same conclusion you did. It was super hard. I was really good at what I did. But you know regrets...glad I did it...and won't go back!

Mrs. B said...

Mandi - It's good to hear I'm not the only mom who couldn't hack the side business. People would pay big bucks for your photography, but congratulations on your most recent reason for staying home!

Tana, you can have my talent, but it comes without organization or responsibility.

Bean, I agree!

Savannah, it's so exciting that you're feeling her move more!

Jill, you're too kind. I'll miss taking your pictures!

Laura, I love how much you love your job. I also can't get over how much I love your profile picture!

Jenn, Congratulations on the baptism! How exciting!

Jill, I love reading about all the fun things you do with your kids. Excellent career choice!